So, i'l vent about my daycare drama here. I've decided 100% I'm changing my daycare provider. J appeared to be the perfect dayhome provider when I interviewed her...or rather she interviewed me (1st signal I should have read) Her monotone expression and way of speaking should have been another signal, but I excused it as being a serious person, or having an off day...or just not interacting well with other adults.

I keep wondering...my son has ups and downs at her place..and it starts with him not wanting me to go. Ethan, on occasion, has a meltdown when I leave. I understand about separation anxiety, but I'm wondering if some of it has to do with her. She never greets, smiles and welcomes the boys in the morning. she opens the door and goes back into her kitchen to finish making her own kids' lunches. Ethan and Cameron (and me) are left at the entry hall with no hello or welcome message, no welcome feeling. This is the feeling that I am perceiving. Being an educator, I know first hand how soooo important it is to make a connection with the kids right away, first thing in the morning. The lack of a smile, or warmth can really make or break a child's day. It really can. Who knows what kind of morning they had...did they have a tough one, a rough sleep, worried about things at home? And that "good morning _____ I'm so glad to see you today, how are you...we're going to have a great day today, i have lots of exciting things planned!" that kind of thing, is a big hit with kids.

When my kids aren't even really acknowledged at the front door...it really hurts me, and it makes me feel so guilty about leaving them there. How much attention is paid to them during the day, if they don't even get a morning smile and greet? I don't expect a song and dance, butI sure expect common courtesy.

I wonder if putting my lil guys into a commercial type daycare may work out better as there's tons of activities ready for them to start at the beginning of the day..soemthing to distract the "mommy's leaving" thing. I don't know. I originally thought a home care would be better, as they'd be nurtured more... I'm not so sure anymore.

Majore mommy guilt in me leaving them in someone else's care. Major. Especially when care is not working out. And major guilt because I don't have to work financially...but I want to. I need it for my own sanity. I'm a mess of a stay at home mom. Totally miserable and feel unfufilled (aren't moms supposed to love being a mom full time?)

Life was so much easier years past. Sometimes I wish I could go there again.