What an absolute hellish day of shopping. I struggle with the concept to spend money on something that I will wear for one night of the year. I don't know. I've never been one to spend alot of money on clothes, nor have I ever had the desire to have alot of clothes.

So, I found an outfit. I bought a fancy jacket for 89.00 which I could technically wear at another time if need be. I bought a fancy sparkly black turtleneck sleeveless top for 20.00 which doubles as a suck me in undergarment. Yeah! I picked up a pair of pants, and then remembered I probably had dressy pants at home, so I returned them. I have heels to go with the outfit, and I'll pick up a pair of sparkly earrings, a bottle of hair colour, and then I'm done.

I feel cynical about the whole thing lately. People dressing up for this "gala" night for dh's work. How totally not me. Let's dress up and show off and see who's the best dressed and best looking of the night? Who's the trampiest? It all brings back alot of old memories of me trying to feel like I need to fit in. And then there's the concept of being the "director's wife". or the "boss's wife". Trying to look good for my husband to look good for his employees. Puke. Anyways, I'll look good, not flashy, not trampy. It's only one night right? Don't get me wrong, I like to look good, but sometimes I wonder about the whole thing and my personal demons make a big deal out of nothing at all.

Feeling rather down in the dumps the last few days. I'm feeling lonely and uninspired. I have many projects to do, quilts, sewing, drapes, school project for Ethan's class, painting the boys' rooms. but I slump onto the couch and stare off out the window. I need friends.