Friday, October 06, 2006


trying to sort out why I sometimes feel totally caught up in the eye of the storm...just riding the wind and hoping it will toss me somewhere soft and silent.

so I made a list of some of my change and stress in the last 2 years of my life.

-mom dies
-new dog
-diagnosed as diabetic, and not just with pregnancy
-husband on strike for eons with company
-have baby #2 , luckily husband takes a week off to help out
-husband continues to work 12-14 hour days at the strike
-new job offer floating in the air for husband
-baby #1 and Baby #2, staying at home with me. I'm on mat leave.
-move may entail date set.
-strike ends. i have a husband back, sort of. Happy about it, but now MY schedule that has been set over the strike, must be remolded now that hubby is a fixture in my life again.
-new job offer, date set...for 2 months from now
-new job, new house, new city, new climate...nobody I know
-list house on market by myself while husband begins new job.
-kids get major flu on first day of open house
-sell house, with conditions to fill, by myself.
-pack, organize move to new location by myself (with help of the movers, of course)
-husband looks for new home in new city by himself
-sell and buy a new home within a 2 week period
-move to new location in the coldest weather i've ever experienced.
-add more stress to my life - become an avon rep
-coast for awhile
-officially quit my former job of 10 years, losing my seniority and job status
-start a new teaching job 6 months later, put my kids in a dayhome I don't know anything about
-kids "fail" in this dayhome
-find new daycare for kids.'s grounds for a nervous breakdown.

How can I tell if I'm having one? I really want to know. Oprah had on her show, suicidal attempts. I'm not there, nor am I NEAR there, but I certainly understand the desire to make things nice and dark and quiet and calm.

Received a card from my best friend yesterday, which stemmed this set of thoughts. The card said, "You have had and made so many big changes in your life in the last 2 years, you are an inspiration." Made me think about this alot....I don't know if I'm an inspiration, but more of a nutcase for doing so many things. I love hectic stuff, but I think my body and spirit are on a major rebellion right now. Talk about making your bed and laying in it.

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