I finally went and got my bloodwork done to confirm that I am a diabetic.   December 23rd was my diagnosis. Long story of why I put it off so long.. dealing with memories of my mother and wondering if my life was doomed to hers,  fear really.   Just not personally ready to accept and deal with the emotions of this life long disease.   But the week prior to the 23rd I had a real slump of a week where I was so emotional and down in the dumps about Christmas, my mom, etc. Then, I snapped out of it and it was like the light turned on and I was ready.    So here I am.

My numbers are atrocious, and I have read and learned that it's not my fault.   It's genetics and biological/chemical.   I could not eat for a week, and still have high blood sugar readings.  My doc put me on some meds.  I have cut out my carbs severely.  (oh my god I am embarassed at how many carbs and how awful I have been eating this past year...oh. my. god.) So I'm paying for it now, with literal detox of carbs.  Skim milk in my coffee? Gone. bread? gone. fruit? gone. juice? gone.  pasta, potatoes white anything? gone. candy? marshamllow snacks? cookies? baking? gone.

I could write forever about how I've drastically cut things off since the 23rd of December.   But one thing I'm learning...I cannot cut carbs out completely. It's just not doable for my life.   I need to have lots of balance in my life for me to stick with it.  But for now. I'm doing the drastic to help bring my numbers down.   I test AT LEAST 10 times per day.  at least.  My fingers are bruised from the pokes.  Need to talk to doc about that.

I started exercising January 1st, walks on the treadmill and will continue that.  I'm going to order some exercise dvd's too.  All of the literature says that a good diet and daily exercise will help bring the numbers down.

What have I noticed in the 10 days that I have done this?    

Energy.   whoa.  I'm not joking! Holy cow!

I don't get up to pee in the middle of the night.

I sleep deep without interruptions (aside from an annoying 3 year old who still sometimes sneaks into bed without us even noticing)

I cannot even finish a glass of water. My thirst is gone.  I thought it was because of the dry climate here.  I used to down 3-4 glasses in a row easily...several times a day.  I can't even finish one now.  I have to force myself.  

Sex drive is back?  What the?  Not sure if it's related...but I've had some feeling for awhile now that hasn't been there for some time. 

Sugar cravings are gone.  

So. There you have it.   My Christmas present to myself.  Being honest with myself and facing the music.   As awful as it feels to know that this is for life, it also feels good to have lifted the heavy weight on my shoulders.

End of January I meet with doc to re-evaluate my numbers.   I'm very sure that I will not be down to the acceptable ranges then, but I'm sure we'll get there with tweaking the meds.